| You know. The other day I was talking to Chris. And we were just sitting on the stairwell, talking about college. College students love to talk about college. Not anything specific about college, like this party or this class, but just the general concept: College. "Man, I love college." "Man, I'm so tired all the time at college." "Man, college kicks ass." "I smoke so much weed in college." "I'm always wasted at college." "College, college, college, college, college, college, collllegggeeeeeeeeeee." Say the word forty times over and it'll take on that obscure effect, like it's some foreign word you've never even seen before. College. COLLEGE. CoLLege. Clsdflsdfisdfa. Anyways, me and Chris were just talking about college, like college students do. And I was like, I'm not loving college right now. Like all the sparkles and sequins that come with the first year of college were gone and college isn't super exciting anymore and I'm not loving it anymore. And it freaked me out so bad that I didn't love college. That's another thing about being a college student. It's like some overarching, universal rule that you have to love, no excuse me, LOOOOVEEEE college!!!!!!! WHOO HOO!!!!!!! GIVE ME ANOTHER BEER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! YEAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! And it felt like I had broke a really big rule, the rule being you must LOOOVE college, and that I was going to be a terrible person for the rest of my life, and that I was never going to get married, and that I would die a virgin, and that I would only have the company of my 40 cats. P.S. The dying the virgin part would be the most tragic, BY FAR. Second worst, is the cats part because I don't like cats. But I figured it out. Why I don't LOOOVVEE college right now. And it's because I'm socially exhausted. It's like you're ALWAYS around people. And I LOVE people. If people could be pets, I would have a zoo full of people. It's just I'm constantly around people, there's not ever a moment I'm not around them. I even dream about them, so I really don't have any time just to be on my own. And sometimes it's like AHHHHHH PEOPLLLEEEEEEEEEE. And it's like you always have to be on top of your game, and say the right things, and be in social situation mode. Hahaha. I know it all sounds so planned and meticulous. But that's what it feels like when you're socially exhausted. I geniunely, sincerely love to be with people. But it's like when I just want to be myself, I can't. There's not one place I can think of at UCLA where I can just be on my own, where I don't know anyone. On any given day, there's an average of 40,000 people on campus. People at the coffee shop. People in my room. People in my hall. People at parties. Cause you know, there usually aren't people at parties... derrrr. People in the dining hall. People on campus. People at the gym. People in the parking lot. It's seriously like AHLDSJFLKJSDF PEOPLE FREAKING EVERYWHERE. People people people people people!!!!!!! The thing about high school was that you went to school for like 7 or 8 hours. Then you went home, and had time to just be on your own. Just being by yourself is like the greatest meditation ever. You don't even have to think, it's meditation all the same. And if you were like AHHHHHH! I HATE THE WORLD! EMO EMO EMO EMO EMO! You could just take your car and John Mayer, and go on a nice long drive. And BAM! Feel amazing again! And then you have all this time to just rest, and it's like you start the next day again all rejuvinated and so excited to be with your friends again. But in college, it's like wake up, eat with people. Go to class with people. Walk back to the dorms with people. Eat dinner with people. Do HW with people. Party with people. Watch movies with people. Then eat midnight dinner with people. Go to sleep (maybe with people? if you got lucky in the booty department?), with the soundtrack of people in the hall. Probably dream about people. Then wake up and the whole thing starts over again. And sometimes I just need a break from it, even if for an hour. And it's unfortunate thing is that it's LA. So a peaceful, scenic drive would actually be loud honking, asshole drivers, nothing more scenic than a palm tree, bumper to bumper traffic type of a drive. But the funny thing is, the most amazing part of college is actually the people. This is the only four years in your life where you're just going to be constantly surrounded by people. It's this phase where you get to really be with people all the time, figure out what pushes their buttons, what pushes your buttons, live with people, create this totally different level of a family, and learn how to be with people, in a totally different way. It's this whole new learning experience on how to socialize; like preschool but with weed, dirtier jokes, and longer nap times. And it's like oh my gosh, I've got to refigure everything out and learn how to be with people, all over again. You learn how to be more compassionate, more considerate, be a better person, be a new person, live with other people and get used to the fact that everyone's got different living habits. And it's not weird, it's just different. It's so crazy to think all the things we used to keep private, like our little quirks and habits and things we only do when we're by ourselves (kekekeke. take it how you like it, you big perv) are suddenly exposed. And it's like EVERYONE has to do it. We're all in this together. And it's so gratifying and amazing and fun and exhausting all at once. And I love it. Sometimes kinda hate it. But mostly it's all LOOOVVEEEEEEEE. I can't even begin to imagine my life being in a place different than UCLA, without the people who are in my lives now. And basically, I love it. No, LOOOOOVVVEEEEEEEEEEE it. |
